Karl
| Lifespan: | May 31, 1982 - ?? |
| Origin: | His mother's womb |
| Likes: | Video games, music that you probably don't like |
| Dislikes: | Televised sports, music that you probably like |
| Appearances: | 88 |
| First Appearance: | 1: Here's a song that we're singing... (Dec 18, 2005) |
| Latest Appearance: |
103: Good Morning! (Dec 3, 2007)
|
From an early age, it was clear that Karl had a talent for just about everything, especially when contrasted against, say, Jonathan. Oh, and his biggest talents are understatement and modesty, if you were wondering. These talents and many more are now wasted programming and writing and starring in a comic that doesn't have very much at all to do with debate.
Mike
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Cosmic Rays |
| Likes: | Film, Ribaldry, Men |
| Dislikes: | Mayo, Passive-Agressivness, Intolerance |
| Appearances: | 80 |
| First Appearance: | 1: Here's a song that we're singing... (Dec 18, 2005) |
| Latest Appearance: |
102: Awkward (Nov 26, 2007)
|
Sometimes... I wonder why I am friends with the other people you will experience in this webcomic, we are very different people. Note that I didn't use "k". In an interesting bit of "characterization" I feel as though I alternate between being the voice or reason around here, and the voice of insanity. Finally, since I'm the last of our 3 principle actors... I declare debate club open for business!
Jonathan
| Lifespan: | Mar 1, 1682 - ?? |
| Origin: | His mother's womb |
| Likes: | Pie, Pixels, Cthulhu |
| Dislikes: | Allegory, Stupidity, Old People |
| Appearances: | 75 |
| First Appearance: | 1: Here's a song that we're singing... (Dec 18, 2005) |
| Latest Appearance: |
102: Awkward (Nov 26, 2007)
|
Born to a peasant family in rural France, he was transported to the current era by an unspeakable horror from beyond the veil when he was still a child. His adaptation to modern technology was surprisingly quick, and he is now in posession of more computers than is considered decent in 43 states of the Union.
Disembodied Voice of Narration
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Time Immemorial |
| Likes: | Speaking, Words |
| Dislikes: | Depiction, The First Person |
| Appearances: | 40 |
| First Appearance: | 1: Here's a song that we're singing... (Dec 18, 2005) |
| Latest Appearance: |
99: Death (Nov 5, 2007)
|
Always present and never seen, the Disembodied Voice of Narration is our constant companion and guide. His wisdom helps illuminate less-obvious plot points in various comics. Perhaps his services should be called upon with greater frequency.
His Divine Presence
| Lifespan: | Apr 15, 1865 - ?? |
| Origin: | An experiment combining the powers of man and fantasy artwork |
| Likes: | Speaking for Himself, cheese, Magic Cards |
| Dislikes: | Disbelievers, red cloth, endowment |
| Appearances: | 10 |
| First Appearance: | 6: A Presence Most Divine (Jan 22, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
Born at an auspicious moment, His Divine Presence was destined for green pastures. After 141 years of grazing, his visage was forever enshrined in a generic nature painting, carefully labeled.
A self-righteous old codger, he takes it upon himself to pontificate on such issues as desecration, bestiality, et cetera.
A Ninja!
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Nippon |
| Likes: | Sushi, swords, stealth |
| Dislikes: | Guard dogs, pirates |
| Appearances: | 9 |
| First Appearance: | 12: Ninja Saga, part 1 of 5: The Setup (Mar 5, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
Stealthy as can be, A Ninja! is a master of espionage and assassination. Whenever someone needs to be stalked and/or "removed," A Ninja! is the man for the job. Ever loyal to his ninja king, he would take his own life before reporting failure.
Dr. Cool
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Coolsville, USA |
| Likes: | Babes, Beats |
| Dislikes: | Squares, Bowties |
| Appearances: | 7 |
| First Appearance: | 45: The Schism, part 1 (Oct 23, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
After receiving his doctorate in chill from Rad University, the newly minted Dr. Cool decided to open a family practice. Since then, Dr. Cool has been using his powers of awesomeness to solve the problems, both medical and social, of those less gifted than he. Sporting a flying toasters tie and a pair of aviator shades, Dr. Cool is always the coolest guy in the room.
Dave's Urn
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Crematorium |
| Likes: | Cheerio ashes |
| Dislikes: | Hot things |
| Appearances: | 6 |
| First Appearance: | 15: Ninja Saga, part 4 of 5: The Cliffhanger (Mar 26, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
33: Sinister Tales, Epilogue (Jul 31, 2006)
|
Once, there was a young man named Dave. Tragically, he died some amount of time ago in unspecified circumstances. Now, he lives on in our memories, and in Dave's Urn.
Dave's Urn is much like Dave, but smaller and more full of ash. Not much for conversation, Dave's Urn is content with resting upon our mantle in an existence of silent dignity.
Her Beatific Attendance
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | The love child of woman and wicker animalia |
| Likes: | Sex, Lust, Virility |
| Dislikes: | Chastity, Waiting for Marriage |
| Appearances: | 6 |
| First Appearance: | 65: HBA (Mar 12, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
Being a beautiful and lusty fertility... thing, Her Beatific Attendance spends much of her time parleying her womanly good looks into favors and gifts from her many drooling admirers, at least when she is in heat.
A Pirate!
| Lifespan: | ?? - Mar 5, 2005 |
| Origin: | The sea |
| Likes: | Fish, fine booty, rum |
| Dislikes: | Scurvy, ninjas |
| Appearances: | 5 |
| First Appearance: | 12: Ninja Saga, part 1 of 5: The Setup (Mar 5, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
Champion of the high seas and scourge of all sailors, A Pirate! is forever adrift in the oceans of fortune, following the winds of fate wherever they may lead (to buried treasure, naturally).
Dave
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | His mother's womb |
| Likes: | Cheerios |
| Dislikes: | Hot things |
| Appearances: | 4 |
| First Appearance: | 28: Sinister Tales, part 3 (Jun 26, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
32: Sinister Tales, part 7 (Jul 24, 2006)
|
Once, there was a young man named Dave. He was a man of simple tastes, but known for his great tolerance of the tastes and habits of others. One day he went missing, and the body they thought was his was cremated. But through death he only became more alive.
The Beard Man
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | The subway system |
| Likes: | Rapture, surreal dolls |
| Dislikes: | Heathens |
| Appearances: | 4 |
| First Appearance: | 85: Rapture: The Beard Man Cometh (Jul 30, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
The Beard Man is an honest, though not gentle man. Keenly aware of the metaphysical dangers facing the world, he takes to the streets to spread his warnings. It is rumored that he has a soft spot for certain kinds of dolls.
Fancy Chicken
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Perversion Tracker |
| Likes: | Corn, plumage, grooming |
| Dislikes: | Foxes, plainness, flightless birds |
| Appearances: | 3 |
| First Appearance: | 19: Adventures in Hentai, Part 3: Ultimecia (Apr 23, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
55: It's a lonely living (Jan 1, 2007)
|
Born for show and destined for greatnes, this chicken is damned fancy. We're not really sure how well it can see, though.
The Dentist
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Gallifloride |
| Likes: | Clean and healty teeth, assistants |
| Dislikes: | The Sucrose, other villains |
| Appearances: | 3 |
| First Appearance: | 72: Dentist! (Apr 30, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
101: New Beginnings (Nov 19, 2007)
|
A vagrant of time, space, and oral hygiene, The Dentist travels the universe with his ever-changing band of assistants to seek adventure and the betterment of all good and righteous teeth in the universe. Known only by his self-proclaimed profession (Dentistry), which he claims to be quite good at, his true name is shrouded in mystery.
Time-traveling sorceress Ultimecia
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Final Fantasy VIII |
| Likes: | Time compression and similar nonsense, The letter K. |
| Dislikes: | Quality writing, SeeD |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 2: Origins in time (Dec 25, 2005) |
| Latest Appearance: |
19: Adventures in Hentai, Part 3: Ultimecia (Apr 23, 2006)
|
Sorceress Ultimecia is one bad-ass villainess. Featuring no fewer than five forms (granted some involve her pet), she lacks depth of any sort. Brilliantly, she makes up for her lack of character development by overusing the letter K.
When she isn't busy compressing time, Ultimecia enjoys sitting on her throne and waiting patiently for people to visit.
Imaginary Final Fantasy VIII Fan
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | The dark bowels of the internet |
| Likes: | Final Fantasy VIII, Sorceress Edea hentai |
| Dislikes: | Debate Klub, all games that are not Final Fantasy VIII |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 9: Fan Mail (Feb 12, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
17: Adventures in Hentai, Part 1: Edea (Apr 9, 2006)
|
Little is known about the secretive Imaginary Final Fantasy VIII Fan. Hiding in the shadows only to emerge and flame unjustly objective commentary about his sole object of affection, s/he uses a biting wit and third grade writing skills to deliver swift, poetic justice his enemies.
The Ninja King
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Nippon |
| Likes: | Unerring loyalty, Having it his way |
| Dislikes: | The Pirate King, World peace |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 13: Ninja Saga, part 2 of 5: The Surprise (Mar 12, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
15: Ninja Saga, part 4 of 5: The Cliffhanger (Mar 26, 2006)
|
Having achieved dominance over all ninjas, The Ninja King now commands his agents of darkness from within the shadows of his ebony tower. He is determined to possess the McGuffin for himself, and will sacrifice as many lives–innocent or underling–as he can to get it.
Brad
| Lifespan: | Dec 16, 1982 - ?? |
| Origin: | Crack in the Earth |
| Likes: | Candy, Justice, Debauchery |
| Dislikes: | Tomatoes, Children, Inhumanity |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 20: Enter Bradley (May 2, 2006) |
| Latest Appearance: |
21: Exuent Bradley (May 7, 2006)
|
Disturbed by years of nuclear testing, Brad rose from the deepest part of the deep ocean to wreak a horrible vengeance on mankind. He then took a job teaching English in Japan. Now he wanders the Earth in search of the ultimate candy.
Uncle Wizard
| Lifespan: | ?? - Jul 3, 2007 |
| Origin: | A mountain |
| Likes: | The Pendant, Absolute power, Fiery towers |
| Dislikes: | Being defeated |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 80: A Role to Play, part 4 (Jun 25, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
81: A Role to Play, part 5 (Jul 2, 2007)
|
One who knows both the plot and a dastardly plot of his own, Uncle Wizard has waited patiently for the keys to the universe to fall into his hands due to the aid of three gullible adventurers who happened to be his nephews though they bear no relation to one another. With the power of a god nearly within his grasp, he awaits his inevitable defeat at the top of his fiery tower.
Out of Panel Voice
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Elsewhere |
| Likes: | Talking |
| Dislikes: | Being seen |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 84: Land of the Free (Jul 23, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
103: Good Morning! (Dec 3, 2007)
|
Out of Panel Voice is the sort of person that you don't see too often. All the same, when words are needed, you can be sure that he or she will be there to provide them.
Space Cancer Man
| Lifespan: | Oct 27, 2007 - Nov 5, 2007 |
| Origin: | Where man met meteor |
| Likes: | America, America's children |
| Dislikes: | Cancer, evildoers |
| Appearances: | 2 |
| First Appearance: | 98: Birth (Oct 29, 2007) |
| Latest Appearance: |
99: Death (Nov 5, 2007)
|
America's champion, Space Cancer Man, is a true hero. Not a moment passes that he isn't fighting, be it for sake of the country and it's people, or against the slow, terminal, current that pushes him ever towards his own death at the hands of Space Cancer (Space Cancer Man was named after his disease, not unlike Lou Gehrig). Regardless, Space Cancer Man remains a cunning foe to any who would do our nation wrong. His opponents quickly find that his greatest weaknesses are also be his greatest strengths.
Ultros
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Final Fantasy VI |
| Likes: | Opera, Relm |
| Dislikes: | Muscleheads |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 17: Adventures in Hentai, Part 1: Edea (Apr 9, 2006) |
Lurking in the depths of the sea, Ultros is a constant hindrance to the plucky heroes of Final Fantasy VI. Capable of numerous ink and tentacle-based attacks, little is known of his softer side. When not posing for ten-year-old painters, he is rumored to seek out new places for his tentacles to venture.
Sorceress Edea
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Final Fantasy VIII |
| Likes: | SeeD, Cid, Icicles, Mollusks |
| Dislikes: | Mind control, Squalor |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 17: Adventures in Hentai, Part 1: Edea (Apr 9, 2006) |
Calm and secretive, Sorceress Edea had the makings of a fine and interesting villainess until thwarted by a team of youngsters known as the Final Fantasy VIII plot writers. During her heyday, she made slaves of men and women alike, crushing all opposition beneath the weight of her blitzkrieg.
In her life post-world domination, she has taken a fervent interest in sea life.
Pirate King Color Force
| Lifespan: | Apr 17, 2006 - ?? |
| Origin: | The five seas |
| Likes: | Coordination, giant robots, stock footage |
| Dislikes: | Ninjas, infighting, unicolor wardrobe |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 18: Adventures in Hentai, Part 2: The Pirate King (Apr 17, 2006) |
The Pirate King Color Force was formed at the behest of the Internal Revenue Service to sail the seas and collect overdue taxes from ninjas. Under Mike's stern tutelage, five plucky youths from different walks of life were brought together and given the power to transform into burly pirates with snazzy threads.
The pink one is a girl.
Sucrose
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Sugaro |
| Likes: | Universal dominion |
| Dislikes: | The Dentist, Fructose, High fructose corn syrup |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 72: Dentist! (Apr 30, 2007) |
Seeking to make the whole of existence a sweeter, yet more deadly place, the great Sucrose army travels through time and space to conquer worlds. The Sucrose Empire's only surviving enemy is The Dentist. Discontent with past defeats, it obsessively seeks the sweet decay of The Dentist's mind, teeth, and body.
Mama
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Cooking Mama |
| Likes: | Good jobs, Cooked food |
| Dislikes: | Helping for you |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 76: Do not mind (May 28, 2007) |
There is but one woman to whom the great chefs of tomorrow may turn to hone their skills at preparing the many delicacies of the world (e.g. Hot Dog, Sausage, Snow Cone, et al), Mama. Mama is pleased to help her students along the road of culinary excellence, offering such advice as "A rittle bit," "getting better," and "do not mind." Though many young, aspiring chefs are unable to withstand her harsh cooking curriculum, those that do are rewarded with a lifetime of skill and a kitchen full of delightful trinkets.
Townsperson
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | FInal Fantasy VI |
| Likes: | Towns, Talking |
| Dislikes: | Untalkative Players |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 79: A Role to Play, part 3 (Jun 18, 2007) |
Perhaps the least interesting of all NPCs, Townsperson spends the whole of his existence wandering around inside of his house. On rare occasions, he is visited by adventurers, who in exchange for all of his chest and pot-based worldly possessions, may chat with him long enough to hear the only thing he knows how to say.
Calcite Crystals in Limestone
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | Deep within the earth |
| Likes: | Puns, the study of geology |
| Dislikes: | Erosion |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 87: Stone Cold (Aug 13, 2007) |
Humans pay a high price for their sentience: a large brain requires many extra calories to function compared to the lesser mammals. Such is the case with Calcite Crystals in Limestone. Amongst rock formations, he bears the quite unusual gift of speech. The silence of his peers makes his millennial existence a quite lonely one indeed. Tragically, he takes his frustrations out upon any human he meets, making puns out of their every word, ensuring that he'll make no friends even among the more gifted beings of the world.
Dr. Grave
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | |
| Likes: | Not Applicable |
| Dislikes: | Not Applicable |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 98: Birth (Oct 29, 2007) |
Knowing only the most serious, dire, and yes, grave of situations, Dr. Grave delivers the bad news with a straight face and no nonsense. Just know that if you find yourself in the presence of this doctor, your condition is grave indeed.
A Thief!
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | The mean streets |
| Likes: | Ill gotten goods |
| Dislikes: | Justice |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 99: Death (Nov 5, 2007) |
A Thief! is a criminal. He'll steal anything from anyone, because he needs the money in order to pay his regular expenses. If only there was some hero out there that could put an end to his reign of terror, he might be stopped.
A Cop!
| Lifespan: | Unknown |
| Origin: | The Academy |
| Likes: | Cops, Miami Vice, Robocop |
| Dislikes: | CSI: Miami |
| Appearances: | 1 |
| Only Appearance: | 99: Death (Nov 5, 2007) |
Known also as A Pig!, A Fuzz!, and A Copper!, A Cop! is a certified officer of the police force. His duties include patrol, arrest, good cop, bad cop, and speeding ticketeer. He is only occasionally corrupt.